To Give or Not to Give...?

You can usually spot them as soon as they step foot on to the train.

They tend to look a little scruffy and worn out, walk slowly or with a limp, and are always carrying some sort of bag, an old Starbucks cup or dragging a cart filled with miscellaneous items behind them.

You know, the kind of person who looks like he walked right out of a salvation army ad.

I see them everyday without fail, some old, some young, some physically disabled, some mentally disabled and some just looking to make an extra dollar.

When they enter my domain I either ignore them or watch them make their rehearsed speech for the thousandth time. And then I watch how they walk around the train jingling their cup hoping someone will reach into their pocket and give a little something. And then I watch how everyone ignores him or shakes their head no as he passes by. And then I watch as he gets off the train and moves to the next car hoping that the commuters one over are feeling more generous today. And then I watch the people in the car resume their activities; some lost in thought, some catching up on the daily news and some resting their eyes a few more minutes before the rush of the day begins; all forgetting the sad person who interrupted the flow of their morning just a few minutes before.
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But today was different.

Today I was standing directly in front of the short, stooped over man in his 30's who trudged slowly onto the subway car. He had messy curly, black hair, big brown eyes and was wearing a pair of army pants, rolled up at one ankle, a black hooded zip-up sweatshirt, and worn out sneakers.

He came onto the subway slowly, held his worn coffee cup out, and started beseeching, in a soft, pained voice, his brown eyes filled with despair, to those around him, "Please can anyone help me."

My thoughts started whirring, "oh no, not another one. He is probably crazy, he will move soon, just ignore him."

And he continued, "I am sorry to disturb you, but anything you can help with would be great."

My thoughts continued as I was struck by a certain sincerity in his voice, " He looks so sad and wounded, this one seems much more sincere then any other beggar I have seen, maybe I should give something."

And he repeated himself as he stood in the same spot, directly in front of me, for what seemed like eternity, "Please, anything you can give would help."

But I couldn't. My thoughts kept circling around themselves like a vulture over its prey, "c'mon just give him some change," "but I don't know if I even have any change, plus if I take out my wallet I will feel like I have to give and what if I only have a $20." "Maybe he is just a good actor," "he looks so hopeless," "but what if he really is for real?"

My body was frozen and my heart was melting, as I tried to comfort myself insisting, "it's ok, someone will give."

But no one gave a cent. People blinked their eyelashes and looked at this sad man as he stood their begging, but no one reached into their wallets to give him anything.

And then I saw a flash of light, some callous person was taking a photo of this man.

And I stood there as well, my sympathy rising, watching, waiting for someone else to start the chain of giving (because often if one person gives others follow suit). But it never came.

And so the man shuffled down the car to implore the others for some help.

As I watched him walk away I didn't forget him instantly, or breathe a sigh of relief as usual.

This one had struck a chord.

An intense sadness rose in my heart and I continued fighting with myself.

And then I started arguing with G-D.

What do you want from me?

Should I have been the one to give, would that have encouraged others to give as well?

Why did I choose not to give?

Why is it my responsibility anyway?

Why don't You save this man?

Why did You let him sink to this level of degradation and embarrassment?

But I could not come up with any answers.

All I could come up with is that my actions must stem from an internal place of justice, kindness and compassion and not based on anyone else's inaction.

That does not mean that I am going to start handing out checks to every beggar I see, but if I am feeling compassionate towards someone I need to act on that compassion, even if it is just a quarter or a reassuring smile.

I won't go bankrupt, but I will retain a sense of dignity and hopefully help restore a struggling person's dignity.

And then I have done my tiny, yet significant part, and set an example for others.

The rest I will leave up to G-D.

Can't We All Just Get Along?

The saddest day in Jewish history has passed by, yet again.

It has not been transformed into a day of rejoicing, yet again.

We all sat through another repetition of Eichah, yet again.

The tears continue to flow from heaven to below as our world remains unchanged. Unchanged by the years of sorrow, self-absorbed by the hatred that has seeped into our very essence and hardened by the continuous pain that afflicts our nation. Look how far we have come and look how far we have strayed. Everyday there are Jews in this world who wake up and see G-D in their lives and everyday there are Jews in this world that block the light of G-D from shining through.

It has been said over and over and over again that the only way to rebuild the holy temple, and the world, is through love. Through an intense love that acknowledges that G-D created each human for a reason. It is only through the fulfillment of each person's potential that the world can reach a state of completion. Knowing that each of us has a unique mission in this world we should really get cracking and figure out what that is. Worrying or judging another person's attempt at figuring out their journey in life is a waste of our own. We insist that our judment or criticism of another person is for the greater good, or it is for G-D's sake. But who are 99% of us kidding, it is about our own pride. It is about us not wanting to exert the energy that it would take to see our own faults and correct them, so we project our issues onto others. But this is not going to take us far.

As Jews we are known for our stubborn behavior: there is the joke about the person on a deserted island who built two Shuls so he could say, "I go to the other one", or the joke about 2 Jews having 3 opinions. It is true, we are opinionated, stubborn and persistent. And thank G-D for that, but there are always two sides of a character trait; side one you win and side two you lose. In our obstinance we tend to forget that we are all fighting on the same team. We forget that sometimes we have to put aside our own will and submit to the will of something greater. We forget that we are supposed to use our horns to chase away evil and unite against darkness. In our blindness to the bigger picture we forget that is our mission as a people to bring light to the world.

However, we can only do that if we are all on the same side of the mechitza and on the same side of this great divide that we call our pride. If we can see another perspective for just a moment, we will realize that our true pride will emenate only when we are together and acknowledging each other's worth. Bashing another Jew is like cutting off your right hand to spite your left; you are only hurting yourself.

So let's take up the challenge (because that is one thing we are famous for) and fulfill the words of the Baal Shem Tov regarding the commandment to 'love a fellow Jew like yourself'. He explained that just as you see your faults and yet you still love yourself, so too should you be able to see another's faults and love them just the same. Let's use our pride to unite and spread the warm light of G-Dliness in this world and make evil darkness a thing of the past. If we can rise to the task, with G-D's help, we will merit to see the 9th of Av as a day of celebration not of mourning.

Move over Eichah, our days of lamenting are over.

Nice To Finally Meet You Rav Kook

They betrayed me with silence.

They never told me who he was.

But without words they depicted a picture that was far from the truth; an image that was far from the brilliant mind that he had, far from the sensitive soul that he embodied, far from the humble servant that he played, far from the passion for spreading G-D's light in this world that drove his every action, far from the endless love that he held towards each and every Jew, and far from the sweet, holy light and energy that touched so many lives.

Why didn't they tell me who he really was?

Was their agenda more important than portraying a holy man in his true form?

The zionists adopted him as their poster boy, using his image, of an advocate for our holy land, to win votes, regardless of how far they strayed from his philosophy.

The zealouts discarded him as a righteous man because he stood for a vision of the future they did not understand.

But neither party truly knew who Rav Kook was.

Now, there are many people who do know the extent of this man's greatness, but after 14 years of Jewish education you would think someone would have let it slip; someone would have told me.

You would think that someone would have told me about his incredible humility.

Or about his intense desire to help every single Jew, even those who spat in his face and insulted him.

Or what about his poetic, philosophical and academic writings that are full of passion, love and spirituality.

Or for that matter, his unrelenting will to serve G-D completely.

Or that he would go to the all the settlements (both religious and non-religious) to inquire about their welfare and encourage them, through love and compassion, to take upon themselves one mitzvah.

Or that these settlers listened to Rav Kook because of his sincerity and love.

Or about the other well-known Rabbanim who greatly admired and respected him.

Or that he spend his life advocating on the behalf of the Jewish Nation.

Or about his unyielding dedication to truth.

Or even the simple fact that he wore a streimel and a bekeshe and had a long, graceful beard?

Or about the friendly, warm twinkle in his eyes and gentle smile that captured so many.

No one told me any of this.

But now, at the age of 21, I finally get to meet Rav Yitzchak HaKohen Kook.

And now I can mourn the loss of a truly great man.

Subway Sonnet

All standing in isolation with determination

avoiding anothers gaze as if in a daze

to abide with the jive of the rules

unspoken as not to crack open the divide

that permeates the air

like a bear

claws out

waiting to ensnare his next victim

to separate it from the world it lives in

introducing it to a new dimension

opening its eyes from the disguise

to form a connection to attach

and create a flicker of affection between two strangers

diminishing the dangers that once stood in the midst of pretentiousness

replacing it with a sense of attentive joyfulness

of re-kindeling a spark between two souls

that may have met in the dark

at a moment in history

transforming a bit of their mystery into familiarity

that seeks a bond through forging a memory fond

by blazing past the facade of individual glory and touching the core

embracing the person

reaching in to ignite their flame thats ablaze

instead of focusing on the face that reflects a heart unsure of the expectations

guarded thoughts stewing and remain brewing until a brave soul breaks past the barrier

because of a crave to forgoe the games that we play
dancing around one another afraid to step on some toes

and play it straight, unlocking the gate that holds back the droves from mingling

and becoming awake acknowledging the link that connects us

to the fate of the people that sorround us

beckoning our minds to resound with thoughts of peace

and astound those around with the simple gesture of smile that can last for miles

no beguile just the real deal, sincere, a move that in a blink of an eye does not disappear

but lingers in the clear open air, exposed, on their lips to express their thoughtfulness

a moment is all it takes to recognize the importance of the lives that stands before us

in isolation and then in valediction as we pierce their soul with a dose of love and

then continue amongst the throngs carrying a piece of what is above

eternal soul, eternal bond,

isolation is a relic of the past that will take more than a blast

to remove from the ancient rubble

of lost eyes, alone, refusing to appeal to their human guise and remaining in aggravation

now a community, alone but together

sharing the pleasure of a clear reality, no more insanity,

of feigning independence

but returning the gaze with a nod of the head

a clear validation of what has been said

You exist.

Truth Sells

Irony plagues the media coverage surrounding the recent deaths of two famous people; Anna Nicole Smith and Kurt Vonnegut (I cringe even placing them in the same sentence.) Anna Nicole Smith, whose story has been played and replayed in the media for the past couple weeks, represents much of what has gone awry in our society. The focus on physical perfection and beauty, the portrayal of women as nothing more than a piece of meat and the flagrant display of sexual behavior with disregard for human dignity, privacy and morals.

Contrasted to the media coverage for Kurt Vonnegut, an author and philosopher, who utilized his incredible expressive abilities to educate the world and promote wholeness and goodness, trying to raise the moral standards of society. Tributes to him were written up in newspapers around the world but have ceased merely a few days after his passing.

Considering that the news only prints what will sell, it is a wonder that news of Smith's death continues to appear in various national media (even in Forbes magazine) whereas Vonnegut's death has stopped attracting mass attention. It seems as though society has more interest in gossip, sex and scandals than philosophy, academia, and morals. Granted the controversial circumstances, when the world mourns the death of a sex symbol for almost two months, yet after a few days pretty much disregards the death of a brilliant and moral writer, something is off kilter.

In an age where rap music climbs the charts, gigantic ads of scantily clad models stare down at you in the heart of Manhattan, teenage pregnancy (and abortion) is on the rise and the average age for physical intimacy has decreased to the ripe old age of 15, I am forced to wonder where our morals and values have gone. What are we teaching ourselves and our children if the concepts of modesty, privacy and boundaries no longer exist in our world? Where are our priorities? How does it happen that a nation founded on principles of morality has spiraled to one that promotes such immorality?

The root of modesty is the acknowledgment of the worth of a life, the recognition that a person is comprised of more than a body, that there is a soul that is the true life force of the person and the body merely serves to clothe the soul in order for it to achieve its purpose in this world. Modesty is about having high expectations for your personal behavior about raising the bar higher with each passing day and reaching a point of transcendence where our thoughts, speech and actions are for a purpose beyond ourselves. They become about building the world and others and not promoting ourselves.
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Our founding fathers were men of action who realized that it was time to break free of the destructive bonds of the British monarchy and utilize their powers as humans to create a better future for the coming generations. They founded this country with integrity, values, a concept of building and caring for the world that was bestowed upon us and an awareness of G-d and His goodness. Some point throughout history the declaration of independence, where they espoused these values, began to lose some of its impact and meaning and has becoming a historical document that we read, but not necessarily one that we live by and study so we can keep up the integrity of their intents. Their beliefs stemmed from a deeper place, the wisdom of the Torah, which defines the values they laid out in clear terms.

At the core of each and every person there lies a yearning for clarity, for truth. Along with that core comes a animalistic aspect to humanity, one that when harnessed and channeled towards the pursuit of truth can break incredible bounds, but when used for the furtherance of its own desires can lead to destruction. Many revolutions in history were a result of the recognition that their lives were not ones of truth and integrity. That they were not allowed the freedom to utilize their talents and promote goodness and building in the world.

This was the deeper intent of the founding fathers when they said life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. These three dictates were about building, not destroying. They were about the equal ability and right of each and every person to lead a life-be allowed to live and grow and choose their path in life. A life that is liberating, not free from all obligations to humanity but liberating, not free to create chaos, but liberated to create clear boundaries. And to pursue happiness, to seek out your unique role in the world and find joy in it.

We must tap back into our roots, the roots of integrity and boundaries, of a G-d awareness, which provides us with a sense of responsibility to our world and the people who inhabit it. Only then will we be able to create a fully functioning, whole and healthy world, a world of builders not of destroyers, a world that praises and acknowledges those who enhance the G-Dliness in this world and scorns those who reject and discard the G-Dliness in this world. A place where we can cultivate a true sense of modesty.

Rebbetzin Jungreis Unplugged

She is an incredible woman; Holocaust survivor, widow, mother, teacher, friend, the list goes on.

Calling her a survivor is an insult to her. She is a thriver. Amidst complete darkness she arose and conquered. She did not complain and pity herself, she lifted herself high above the rubble and said lets act, there is no time to waste.

Even after her precious husband passed away, she did not let her pain paralyze her, rather she grew through and accepted her life with love, persevering and continuing her incredible contributions.

She is my heroine.

She stands there, a refined, majestic, elegant woman in her 70's, speaking to a captivated audience with a fiery tone and bluntness that only she can use, combined with sincere love and compassion, which dissapates any lingering sharpness and enables her words to enter straight into the heart of the receiver.

She speaks of emunah and bitachon, faith in the Almighty, our Creator, our Redeemer, with more passion and conviction then others who have felt little pain in their lives.

When she smiles at you, at that moment it is just the two of you, amidst hundreds and she cares only for you, only of your needs.

Her piercing eyes go straight to your soul, seeing all the goodness and holiness each person encompasses.

Her mission in life is unparalleled by anyone alive today. She sought out and continuously seeks to connect to every Jewish soul, providing them with a warm and loving view of a beautiful heritage they have been distant from.

She reaches and is able to touch Jews in all corners of the earth with her wisdom, compassion and immense love.

She strives to understand each person and their individual needs, remaining unyielding until she gives them to a strong footing, guiding them to a climate where they can cultivate and unmask their G-dly soul.

No task is too large, no hurdle too daunting as she surges forth claiming responsibility for the nation she calls her own, pouring her wellsprings of energy into every act within her long-reaching grasp.

She derives her strength from an internal source that is reservoir of endless giving. She holds on to the coat-tails of her forefathers and foremothers for merit and inspiration, looking to G-d for guidance, encouragment and help in her holy task.

She goes places no others dare to go, speaking words no others dare to speak, acting in ways that most people shy away from, and transcends time and space accomplishing more than most even dream of, captivating the hearts and minds of millions around the globe and helping them tap into their potential and return to their true source.

Like I said, she is my heroine.

limited expression of eternal pain

There he was, standing in all of his glory, smiling, a caftan wrapped around his neck like a tallis, the rebbe smiling at him, basking in the light of his holy sefarim that he, in the truest sense of the word, owns. Then he is gone. His soul no longer rests in his body, it lays lifeless, the loss too huge for anyone to grasp. The shock overwhelms, the pain sets in deep, there are no words for comfort, no words to express the intense sorrow, only tears. Tears that come from an abyss, a black hole that never seems to end, but flows and flows without stopping, no end in sight to the pain, the sadness, the grief. Denial, the body tenses up, the thoughts overwhelm and the mind goes blank there is no way to heal. The light has left the room. We can see no longer. The guiding light that shone so bright has dimmed in this world, but has moved to higher spheres, spheres that don't need external light, but that shine eternally. It is not real, the loss is not real, it is all a joke, a cruel joke, he is still here, amongst us, breathing, smiling, laughing, waiting to walk up his front steps and kiss his children hello. What happens when we lose, we feel empty, like we have been drained of our energy, lifeless....no matter how many times we hear, it cannot be believed, that a loving, adoring, holy, intensely kind, sympathetic, giving, deep and brilliant father, son, husband, friend, rebbi could be taken from this world in such a short notice, and what of the broken children, being left fatherless, and the mother, without her other half. Hashem we don't understand Your ways, we don't understand the pain we go through, we don’t understand when you take holy souls from this world to the next. When will our suffering end, when will we see You revealed only through happy times. Let us peek at Your tapestry so we can lessen our pain, so we can see your holy plan, so we can feel a release from some of our sorrow to live another tomorrow and be able to grow and throw up our hands and say we see Your goodness and can dwell in peacefulness to make right what is amiss in our world that you created amidst the bliss of nothingness and continue to give life and allowing our souls to express the gift that You placed into it and shift when the wheel starts to turn and yearn for the redemption to come so we can be one with You and our nation can be whole to put the pieces back together to fulfill our role and fill the gaping hole that separates us from You and the holy souls that you tore from this world like a sore that wont heal bring us back together in a home soft like feathers that can break our fall when the pain hits us hard like a dart in the heart that pierces straight through with a start without warning that its coming to tear us apart, Hashem heal.