To Give or Not to Give...?

You can usually spot them as soon as they step foot on to the train.

They tend to look a little scruffy and worn out, walk slowly or with a limp, and are always carrying some sort of bag, an old Starbucks cup or dragging a cart filled with miscellaneous items behind them.

You know, the kind of person who looks like he walked right out of a salvation army ad.

I see them everyday without fail, some old, some young, some physically disabled, some mentally disabled and some just looking to make an extra dollar.

When they enter my domain I either ignore them or watch them make their rehearsed speech for the thousandth time. And then I watch how they walk around the train jingling their cup hoping someone will reach into their pocket and give a little something. And then I watch how everyone ignores him or shakes their head no as he passes by. And then I watch as he gets off the train and moves to the next car hoping that the commuters one over are feeling more generous today. And then I watch the people in the car resume their activities; some lost in thought, some catching up on the daily news and some resting their eyes a few more minutes before the rush of the day begins; all forgetting the sad person who interrupted the flow of their morning just a few minutes before.
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But today was different.

Today I was standing directly in front of the short, stooped over man in his 30's who trudged slowly onto the subway car. He had messy curly, black hair, big brown eyes and was wearing a pair of army pants, rolled up at one ankle, a black hooded zip-up sweatshirt, and worn out sneakers.

He came onto the subway slowly, held his worn coffee cup out, and started beseeching, in a soft, pained voice, his brown eyes filled with despair, to those around him, "Please can anyone help me."

My thoughts started whirring, "oh no, not another one. He is probably crazy, he will move soon, just ignore him."

And he continued, "I am sorry to disturb you, but anything you can help with would be great."

My thoughts continued as I was struck by a certain sincerity in his voice, " He looks so sad and wounded, this one seems much more sincere then any other beggar I have seen, maybe I should give something."

And he repeated himself as he stood in the same spot, directly in front of me, for what seemed like eternity, "Please, anything you can give would help."

But I couldn't. My thoughts kept circling around themselves like a vulture over its prey, "c'mon just give him some change," "but I don't know if I even have any change, plus if I take out my wallet I will feel like I have to give and what if I only have a $20." "Maybe he is just a good actor," "he looks so hopeless," "but what if he really is for real?"

My body was frozen and my heart was melting, as I tried to comfort myself insisting, "it's ok, someone will give."

But no one gave a cent. People blinked their eyelashes and looked at this sad man as he stood their begging, but no one reached into their wallets to give him anything.

And then I saw a flash of light, some callous person was taking a photo of this man.

And I stood there as well, my sympathy rising, watching, waiting for someone else to start the chain of giving (because often if one person gives others follow suit). But it never came.

And so the man shuffled down the car to implore the others for some help.

As I watched him walk away I didn't forget him instantly, or breathe a sigh of relief as usual.

This one had struck a chord.

An intense sadness rose in my heart and I continued fighting with myself.

And then I started arguing with G-D.

What do you want from me?

Should I have been the one to give, would that have encouraged others to give as well?

Why did I choose not to give?

Why is it my responsibility anyway?

Why don't You save this man?

Why did You let him sink to this level of degradation and embarrassment?

But I could not come up with any answers.

All I could come up with is that my actions must stem from an internal place of justice, kindness and compassion and not based on anyone else's inaction.

That does not mean that I am going to start handing out checks to every beggar I see, but if I am feeling compassionate towards someone I need to act on that compassion, even if it is just a quarter or a reassuring smile.

I won't go bankrupt, but I will retain a sense of dignity and hopefully help restore a struggling person's dignity.

And then I have done my tiny, yet significant part, and set an example for others.

The rest I will leave up to G-D.

Can't We All Just Get Along?

The saddest day in Jewish history has passed by, yet again.

It has not been transformed into a day of rejoicing, yet again.

We all sat through another repetition of Eichah, yet again.

The tears continue to flow from heaven to below as our world remains unchanged. Unchanged by the years of sorrow, self-absorbed by the hatred that has seeped into our very essence and hardened by the continuous pain that afflicts our nation. Look how far we have come and look how far we have strayed. Everyday there are Jews in this world who wake up and see G-D in their lives and everyday there are Jews in this world that block the light of G-D from shining through.

It has been said over and over and over again that the only way to rebuild the holy temple, and the world, is through love. Through an intense love that acknowledges that G-D created each human for a reason. It is only through the fulfillment of each person's potential that the world can reach a state of completion. Knowing that each of us has a unique mission in this world we should really get cracking and figure out what that is. Worrying or judging another person's attempt at figuring out their journey in life is a waste of our own. We insist that our judment or criticism of another person is for the greater good, or it is for G-D's sake. But who are 99% of us kidding, it is about our own pride. It is about us not wanting to exert the energy that it would take to see our own faults and correct them, so we project our issues onto others. But this is not going to take us far.

As Jews we are known for our stubborn behavior: there is the joke about the person on a deserted island who built two Shuls so he could say, "I go to the other one", or the joke about 2 Jews having 3 opinions. It is true, we are opinionated, stubborn and persistent. And thank G-D for that, but there are always two sides of a character trait; side one you win and side two you lose. In our obstinance we tend to forget that we are all fighting on the same team. We forget that sometimes we have to put aside our own will and submit to the will of something greater. We forget that we are supposed to use our horns to chase away evil and unite against darkness. In our blindness to the bigger picture we forget that is our mission as a people to bring light to the world.

However, we can only do that if we are all on the same side of the mechitza and on the same side of this great divide that we call our pride. If we can see another perspective for just a moment, we will realize that our true pride will emenate only when we are together and acknowledging each other's worth. Bashing another Jew is like cutting off your right hand to spite your left; you are only hurting yourself.

So let's take up the challenge (because that is one thing we are famous for) and fulfill the words of the Baal Shem Tov regarding the commandment to 'love a fellow Jew like yourself'. He explained that just as you see your faults and yet you still love yourself, so too should you be able to see another's faults and love them just the same. Let's use our pride to unite and spread the warm light of G-Dliness in this world and make evil darkness a thing of the past. If we can rise to the task, with G-D's help, we will merit to see the 9th of Av as a day of celebration not of mourning.

Move over Eichah, our days of lamenting are over.