A Torn Soul-free flow

It touches me at my very core. It is calling out to me from all sides. The beauty, sincerity and love touches my soul and makes me yearn for the Rebbe I never knew. The Rebbe that is still beloved by the world and who is truly chai v’kayum. The legacy he left behind is so deep and rich it makes my soul cry just from reading a blog about his shluchim. I feel his love permeating my being through his shluchim in the midst of manhattan. What is the secret? It is the truth, I cannot run from it. When something touches your soul and makes you feel so alive how can you run from it? Maybe I am just emotional right now, I say, but not everything makes me cry, not everything evokes such a deep feeling from the essence of my very being. Not everything makes me yearn to be connected with G-D. A yearning that transcends anything that I have ever experienced! A real, live, true yearning, not one based on indoctrination. In my little cove in the middle of a physical reality…I crave more, I crave my soul! What will I do? What am I to do Hashem? To face the truth or run from it? To stay and keep my life simple or to complicate and enrich it? Hashem, it is torture…why, I know there is a reason I wasn’t just born into it but why? What is your message for putting through all my roller coasters????? The thought of learning chassidus, the flashbacks to the illumination, clarity and connection bring tears to my eyes, a lump in my throat and a yearning that will never disappear. A deep feeling rises from within, so deep within that it no longer is my body, but transcends that.

Lessons of a Soul

Last night I went to a speech by Rabbi Paysach Krohn and as I was sitting there waiting for him to begin to speak I was scoping out the scene, instantly judging all those around me. It was then that Rabbi Krohn said a few words that turned my mind around. He simply observed how special it was that so many people came and that this demonstrates the innate desire of Jews to always be growing higher and learning more. All of the sudden my judgments melted and I looked around and saw a beautiful crowd of neshamos that wanted to soar.
That was the first of many lessons that were re-affirmed for me last night in that gorgeous shul in Manhattan.

Last night I learned that Hashem wants to hear our regrets and open our hearts to Him and in turn He will embrace us wholly.

I learned that King Yoshiyahu was unique and significant because he said “Alai L’hakim”, that he would take it upon himself to sustain the Torah in his generation by spreading it to each Jew.

I learned that each Jew has a responsibility to provide his fellow Jew with strength, inspiration and encouragement.

I learned that what defines a person is their soul, not their job.

I learned that the proper response to “what are you?” is “Ivri Anochi”, “I am a Jew” and that every action in my life is dictated by that knowledge.

I learned that just because a person cannot afford a first-class ticket does not mean he is not first-class.

I learned that a Jew is conspicuous to all, and that we cannot hide our true identity from anyone, therefore we must act in a way to sanctify G-D's name.

I learned that a truly great person is one who can humble himself to truly and sincerely say, I’m sorry.

I learned the value of time, that in two minutes you can change someone’s life.

I learned that what you do tomorrow cannot make up for what you lost today.

I learned that intelligence is when you realize you have a soul and you understand that you will one day have to return it to G-D.

The Mystery of A Roomate

Who is she…?
I think I have her pegged from the moment I lay eyes on her, I think I can perceive deep into the intricate layers of her flesh and blood, I think I can intuit her feelings and emotions, I think I can reveal her true self, I think I can rip down the barriers and expose her, I think I can tap into her thoughts, I think I can predict her behavior, I think I can sense her moods,

But, who is she…?
Did I meet her at the mountain? Where do our souls connect? Why did G-d will us to meet? What will I add to her life? How will she help me grow? Where does her soul rest in the heavenly spheres? Am I worthy of her company? Am I really trying to understand her or am I projecting my own biases onto her? Most important of all, do I seek to find her true self?

And then I discover that…
She is an angel sent by G-D to help me better myself, she is here to teach me compassion and patience, she is here to teach me humility and kindness, she is here to teach me flexibility and she is here to help me release my judgments; to see everyone as a child of Hashem, to tap into my inner core, that is Godly, and strengthen it. She is here to help me realize that I have far more growing and development to do in order for me to reach my personal state of perfection and she is here to teach me the lesson of the soul.

And so I thank her…
For opening my eyes, for exposing me to yet another perspective and broadening my horizons, for helping me grow towards a greater understanding of my fellow man, for bringing me closer to G-D, for enabling my soul to soar higher and for, ultimately, helping me come closer to and connect with my people.