It touches me at my very core. It is calling out to me from all sides. The beauty, sincerity and love touches my soul and makes me yearn for the Rebbe I never knew. The Rebbe that is still beloved by the world and who is truly chai v’kayum. The legacy he left behind is so deep and rich it makes my soul cry just from reading a blog about his shluchim. I feel his love permeating my being through his shluchim in the midst of manhattan. What is the secret? It is the truth, I cannot run from it. When something touches your soul and makes you feel so alive how can you run from it? Maybe I am just emotional right now, I say, but not everything makes me cry, not everything evokes such a deep feeling from the essence of my very being. Not everything makes me yearn to be connected with G-D. A yearning that transcends anything that I have ever experienced! A real, live, true yearning, not one based on indoctrination. In my little cove in the middle of a physical reality…I crave more, I crave my soul! What will I do? What am I to do Hashem? To face the truth or run from it? To stay and keep my life simple or to complicate and enrich it? Hashem, it is torture…why, I know there is a reason I wasn’t just born into it but why? What is your message for putting through all my roller coasters????? The thought of learning chassidus, the flashbacks to the illumination, clarity and connection bring tears to my eyes, a lump in my throat and a yearning that will never disappear. A deep feeling rises from within, so deep within that it no longer is my body, but transcends that.
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