*This post is a response to Gittel moving to an adult home with other young women like her.
To my Special Sister,
I have loved you all my life and I still don't know how to be with you or without you. We cannot communicate but with few words, hugs, kisses, and smiles and yet I feel so deeply connected to you. You will be leaving our home and venturing out on your own and I am scared.
I am scared that I will no longer know you.
I am scared that you will forget about me.
I am scared that our family is dispersing.
I am scared that I will forget your joys and your love.
I am scared that I will miss out on your life.
I am scared that you are not just leaving our home but our family as well.
I am scared that you might be scared.
I am scared that you might sad.
I am scared that you might miss us.
I am scared that they will not understand you.
I am scared that they will not love you.
I am scared that they won't tend to your holy soul.
I am scared that they won't appreciate your rythym
I am scared that they won't appreciate your uncanny memory for dates.
But mostly, I am scared of forgetting you and living a life that doesn't include you. I fear you will vanish from the outer circles of my world.
I don't want you to be the sister than no one knows about.
I love you with all my heart and all my soul and I want your loving, fun, happy, energetic and vivacious self in my life always and forever.
I love the way you look sad when you know I'm sad.
I love how excited you get when you see me and always ask when I am coming home next.
I love your stubbornness and the way you know exactly what you want.
I love the way you sigh in exasperation when your bored and say, "buzzzyyy..."
I feel lost, sad, and helpless when you throw up your hands in frustration and say, "forget it," when there is something you are trying to say and I just can't understand you.
I love how you love little babies and children and it breaks my heart when they are scared of your gentle soul.
I love the way you love my friends and have bonded with them.
I love the way they love you back.
I love how you bring cheer to so many people.
My heart swells with pride to hear about all the people who love you and see you for the incredibly special girl you are.
My blessings to you my dearest and darling sister is that HaShem send you an angel to care for you, who will guide you, let you grow, be independent and stay connected to our family and surround you with people all the time who love you, cherish you, strive to understand and appreciate you and will give you the best the world has to offer.
I miss you already.
My love forever and always,
Your Proud Sister
11 comments:
I loved the way you just let out all your thoughts and feelings all at once in a list-style way. I think it shows how the change is truly affecting your life in so many ways.
You brought me to tears, i loved your honesty.
I think because you have totally felt all this and thought it through, none of your fears will come to fruition. You have demonstrated your inner strength to deal with this and I highly doubt you will miss out on her life.
raizel my dear. you had me in tears only from the first sentence. i have very mixed feelings about this, and i genuinely relate to your fears.
you are a truely expressive individual... keep writing. :)
i guess it gives me borderline anger that they would let gittel out of their sights... i also can see, along with you, her special neshama and "rythym."
it is going to be so heart-breaking to go to your house and not hear her inside talking away.
you are an incredibly brave woman for enduring this painful process.
love you.
Raiz.
Wow, this is really intense. I guess we all knew that the day would come sometime, but it is so strange that its time.
I commend you so deeply for being so honest with yourself and with your audience. Most people would choose to shy away from such fears and even consider them embarrassing. Your decision to face this head on is remarkable.
I am sure that Gittel will be well taken care of and that Hashem will be watching over her. Your family has shown such love and devotion to her and she is so attached to you all that there is no way you could ever forget her. Remember that.
You really had me in tears. This is tough, but you guys will get through it. Just acknowledging your fears of her forgetting you and you forgetting her, ensures that this cannot happen. You won't let it.
With love and admiration,
Mushky
Thank you all you three wonderful women in my life for responding and sharing your thoughts with me.
Ranting Maidel: I appreciate and feel strengthened by your confidence in my strength and helping me recognize that my fears are fears alone and do no need to come to fruition.
Dass: I totally hear why you would feel anger, that's how I initially reacted until Ema explained why it is an important and wonderful change crucial to Gittel's development as her own person. I too am going to miss the comfort of hearing her singing, chanting and constantly talking. I feel so blessed that you care so much for my sister.
Mushk: Your clarity, sensitivity and positivity really touches me. I completely feel the same way about the bizarre feeling of this actually happening. It always felt like it would be one day..but never today.I almost held back with some of my feelings but I wanted to share them all because pretense prevents closeness and I wanted to be real. Thank you for sharing your perception of my family with me-it validates my own experience that we will be able to maintain the closeness and support we already have with Gittel.
Raizel my dear and sweet Raizel.
Hashem should bless you for being the amazing sister you are!
Hashem should bless you for your honesty!
Hashem should bless you for your compassion!
Hashem should bless you for your love!
Hashem should bless you for your patience!
Hashem should bless you for your kindness!
Hashem should bless you for introducing our family to Gittel's great soul!
Have no fear Raizel Hashem WILL bless you and your beautiful family always and forever.
Thanks for sharing your deepest feelings...we are with you!
Mama Leah
Raizel - Beautiful thoughts, and ones that really sum up the fears and challenges of life. We all have our 'little world', seems like yours is so blessed and loved.
keep writing and reading
I'm scared too, and I have felt much of this for all my nieces and nephew. I love you my dearest, heartfelt, Raizel. You have touched my heart and put the right words to this significant moment in all our lives.
Raizel-
your writing brought tears to my eyes. It wasnt just your writing though, i felt that i feel what you must be going through in this situation and i can only imgaine what you must be feeling. Youre a very special soul and i can only imagine how special your sister is. I hope that in the merit of you writing this, your tears and your aspirations for your sister should bring her people that will shower her with love and happiness.
Raizel
Thank you so much for this beautiful, soulful poem. I cried reading it as you have expressed so many of my thoughts and feelings, too. I love you very much.
Your loving Ema
raiz,
this is beautiful... i'm sure that gittel can understand your feelings on some plane and feels lucky to be your sister!
thanks for sharing your thoughts and emotions... hatzlacha with this big transition... big hug for you :)
That was beautiful Raizel!
This must be hard for you and your family, but I am sure Gittel will do very well!
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