limited expression of eternal pain

There he was, standing in all of his glory, smiling, a caftan wrapped around his neck like a tallis, the rebbe smiling at him, basking in the light of his holy sefarim that he, in the truest sense of the word, owns. Then he is gone. His soul no longer rests in his body, it lays lifeless, the loss too huge for anyone to grasp. The shock overwhelms, the pain sets in deep, there are no words for comfort, no words to express the intense sorrow, only tears. Tears that come from an abyss, a black hole that never seems to end, but flows and flows without stopping, no end in sight to the pain, the sadness, the grief. Denial, the body tenses up, the thoughts overwhelm and the mind goes blank there is no way to heal. The light has left the room. We can see no longer. The guiding light that shone so bright has dimmed in this world, but has moved to higher spheres, spheres that don't need external light, but that shine eternally. It is not real, the loss is not real, it is all a joke, a cruel joke, he is still here, amongst us, breathing, smiling, laughing, waiting to walk up his front steps and kiss his children hello. What happens when we lose, we feel empty, like we have been drained of our energy, lifeless....no matter how many times we hear, it cannot be believed, that a loving, adoring, holy, intensely kind, sympathetic, giving, deep and brilliant father, son, husband, friend, rebbi could be taken from this world in such a short notice, and what of the broken children, being left fatherless, and the mother, without her other half. Hashem we don't understand Your ways, we don't understand the pain we go through, we don’t understand when you take holy souls from this world to the next. When will our suffering end, when will we see You revealed only through happy times. Let us peek at Your tapestry so we can lessen our pain, so we can see your holy plan, so we can feel a release from some of our sorrow to live another tomorrow and be able to grow and throw up our hands and say we see Your goodness and can dwell in peacefulness to make right what is amiss in our world that you created amidst the bliss of nothingness and continue to give life and allowing our souls to express the gift that You placed into it and shift when the wheel starts to turn and yearn for the redemption to come so we can be one with You and our nation can be whole to put the pieces back together to fulfill our role and fill the gaping hole that separates us from You and the holy souls that you tore from this world like a sore that wont heal bring us back together in a home soft like feathers that can break our fall when the pain hits us hard like a dart in the heart that pierces straight through with a start without warning that its coming to tear us apart, Hashem heal.