Music of My Soul

I went to shiur tonight that has been going on for 25 years, merely 16 blocks from my apartment. The wisdom and sparks of light that have been filling that room for 25 years, are only now coming to rest in my soul.

From the moment I sat down on that hard, wooden bench, I felt the energy of truth and sincerity that only comes from a place so real that it cannot be dismissed. When we finished my heart was singing out in jubilation and my soul felt like exploding from the power of the truth, like something swelling deep within that needs to be released.

What a contrast to my night of emptiness just last week.

The missing link has been found.

I have discovered truth.

I was right, you know truth when you see it.

The words I heard resonated with the inner music of my soul.

It is a feeling of euphoria, my ecstasy knows no bounds and tears spring from my eyes in an expression of love and connectedness.

It is about unifying my soul with the world and tapping back into the source of my holiness.

My soul is soaring high and I dont want to come down.

As I heard tonight, I have to tap into the music of my soul so that everything I do becomes musical and uplifts myself and my sorroundings.

Every encounter can bring light, can prevail over the darkness.

I feel energized, rejuvenated, uplifted and inspired and most importantly the music of my soul is becoming a little louder and clearer, breaking through the barriers and exposing its light.

The Missing Link

I was feeling tired and achy when my freind reminded me that there was a shiur she was going to and asked if I wanted to join her.

The inner battle began, should I just stay home do some work and go to bed early? But if I stay home will I go to bed early anyway? Maybe I just need some fresh air to enliven me a little?

Then I reminded myself that last time I had gone to a shiur, even though my physical being was yelling "no!", I had been transformed and rejuvenated through the Torah and as a result my physical weariness had been thrust to the wayside as a 'by the way'.

So I decided to pull myself together and just go, and as a comfort I assured myself that if I really needed to I could leave.

So my friends and I went and we arrived just as the speaker was starting. Relieved we made it, we took off our coats, pulled out our notebooks and were ready to be uplifted.

I sat and listened, and listened and sat and pondered through some of what the speaker was saying and listened some more and I never felt it. I didn't feel myself filling up with the light, goodness and beauty that Torah has to offer. Sure, he had a few interesting points where I nodded and thought, "hmmm that sounds nice," and at certain points I thought, "hmmm, well maybe I could see how that fits." But something was missing.

What happened?

What went wrong?

Was it me?

Was it the speaker?

Where did the Torah's infinite light disappear to?

I left feeling empty, disturbed at the gaping hole and yearning for something more.

I sit here now confused, was the speaker lacking? Was he trying? Did he feel passion for what he was speaking?

He was saying the right words but truth wasn't coming out.

Instead of feeling energized I feel sad and disappointed.

But then again, maybe it was me? Maybe I wasn't focusing and appreciating his thoughts.

But then again, c'mon, truth is truth, it hits you smack in the face when it is there. You can't miss it when you are looking for it.

So if the man was teaching Torah, and Torah is truth, what went wrong? How did I miss it?

Was it my ego? Was I looking to be blown away with some amazing, intricate new idea? Was I hoping for too much?

Was it the man's ego? Is he trying to shove his ideas into a Torah framework?

This circle of thoughts all lead back to one thing? I am still feeling empty and drained.

My soul just wants to be filled with the light of truth.

Where is it?

A man named Ernie

I strolled into Walgreens feeling just fine, thinking this was going to be a quick and easy trip, since all I needed to do was copy a picture for my great-grandmother. I walked up to the counter and explained what I wanted to do, the clerk asked me what size picture I wanted, so I whipped out the photograph and showed it to her. She then proceeded to explain that because it was taken by a professional photographer, there were copyright laws that applied and I couldn't copy it. We went around in circles for a few minutes, me expressing my shock and dismay because it was MY picture and why couldn't I copy it and she, the clerk, getting agitated as she repeated herself to me. I finally left, mumbling a thank you, feeling disgruntled.

As I got back in the car and calmed down a little, I felt disappointed about the way I had responded to this little incident.

I was upset because things didn't go smoothly as I had planned.

Then it occured to me.

G-d was present. Not only me.

I had forgotten that when there is a G-d things don't always go my way.

And, since when is my way the best way?

I pondered my way to Safeway and it was there that I met Ernie.
----

So there I was, waiting in the express line at the Safeway on Rainer, which actually seemed to be going slower than the regular lines, and so I contemplated switching lines but then I realized that it's like when you are driving; the lane next to you is always going faster until you switch over to it.

So there I was, waiting, and as I inched closer I could see that the man behind the counter was Ernie, a tall, full-faced, black man with a huge smile on his face; the kind of guy that you would see whistling a tune as he walked down the street with a jump in his step. Then I realized why the express lane was moving at snails pace, because Ernie treated his customers like his closest friends, with care, concern and compassion and he inquired about the lives of each customer and responded with sincere words of advice and comfort. I stood there wondering how he was able to be so positive and act towards every single person with such joy and care. It wasn't long before I understood.

A couple more minutes of waiting and it was my turn to have chat with Ernie.

"Hello there," Ernie said, with a big contagious smile.

"Hello, how are you doing?" I responded, with an equally big smile (I couldn't resist, even if I wanted to).

"Oh, alright-a little hungry," he proclaimed.

"Didn't have your break yet?" I inquired

"Nah, but I'll grab something in a bit," he said, still smiling, "but enough about me, how are YOU?" he insisted.

"Good, Thank G-D," I exclaimed, I am really enjoying the snow, it is just so beautiful!"

"ALL of G-D's creations are beautiful," He insisted.

-------

You are so right, sir.

And there it was. Ernie has got it down.

It is crystal clear to him that each and every single person is deeper than their physical body, each person has a soul that is beautiful-even if it is hard to see.

Because he knows this with every fiber of his being, he can bring out the humanity in each and every person, no matter how big of a sneer they have on their face.

It also means, that whatever G-d throws his way, Ernie is prepared and ready to integrate it with joy, because ALL of G-d's creations are beautiful.

He doesn't let a little thing get in the way of his smile.

Not even a photograph.

And I thought I just had some errands to run?

G-d had another idea.

Burst of Truth

B"H
Forget Punishment----

If you are thinking that G-d is out to punish you, that He will not save you from your trouble because you are undeserving, then you are not trusting Him. Trust knows not a shade of doubt that He will deliver.

A Daily Dose of Wisdom from the Rebbe-words and condensation by Tzvi Freeman
Tevet 14, 5767 * January 4, 2007

A rude awakening

It is the Tenth day of the month of Teves, I am mourning the siege of the walls of our holy city Yerushalayim. My spirit is calm, my mood sorrowful and I am feeling a deep connection with my people. I am in Staples making some photo copies for my final the following day. The door opens and a woman strolls in, her arms overflowing with packages to rerturn, a black scarf wrapped around her head, a long jean skirt flowing to the floor and sneakers peeking out; clearly she is a fellow Jew. I try to catch her eye in an acknowledgment that we are internally the same. She eyes me suspiciously, and as the elevator door is closing, mutters in a strong Brooklyn accent, “What, you never seen someone return things before?” I was shocked and saddened. My gesture that I saw as connecting and revitalizing she interpreted as degrading, insulting and made her feel self-conscious.

On her way out of the elevator to leave the store she passed me once again, but this time I stopped her and started apologizing profusely, explaining to her that my intentions were far from contempt or disparaging, but that I saw she was Jewish and so I wanted to acknowledge that. Her response hit me hard, “Oh so are you not from around here, do you not realize that this is a very Jewish neighborhood?”

That was it, she was so entrenched in American society, that it was not a value of hers to feel pride or even make a distinction in her mind when she saw a Jew. My mourning intensified and I saw the walls of Jerusalem being surrounded and besieged all over again in 2006. I wanted to connect, validate her existence, take pride in her outward display of her internal soul, and she wanted to blend in, live amongst the society and felt no connection to my soul. This is galus. Assimilation is rising and even the people that have not cut their ties have disconnected. Pain shoots through my heart. Tears well up in my eyes. I yearn for my people in their state of holiness or even in their state of imperfection, but at least in a state of unity, feeling and acknowledging each others presence.

Jews for G-D

I encountered him on my way to school, twice in the same week. He was standing at the top of a busy escalator in the subway station during rush hour, a sweet, peaceful yet disturbing smile on his face, wearing a shirt advertising Jews for Jesus. He thrust his hand out with a pamphlet imploring me to take it, "No thanks," I said, with disdain in my voice and a glare in my eyes. In my hurry to get to my class my mind said, "I am a Jew for G-D" but I didn't pause to express my sentiments to this man. This scenario repeated itself twice and I kicked myself for not stopping to talk and tell this confused man what I really thought.

Has the the blessing of free speech made so many of us tolerant? Has this "blessing" caused us to pass people spreading lies about our nation and say, "no thanks" instead of starting an uproar, stating what we believe and fighting for the cause? Where is our anger, our passion and love for G-d and his children? Where are we expressing these inbred Jewish traits? Is complacency going to be the next destroyer of thriving Jews? Where is our burning fire of love, passion and commitment that we must breathe every moment of every day? Where is our commitment to Hashem, His Torah and His children.

On the Jews for Jesus site it shouts in bold, "How to Get Saved." What this seeming innocuous phrase shouts is antithetical to everything Judaism stands for. It connotes passivism. It reassures, you dont have to do anything active, just believe in Jesus and you will be saved. Judaism is all about action, do, do more and never stop! This is one of the dangers of Jews for Jesus and what I suspect is part of its popularity, it is so easy! More dangerous, however, is their passion for their warped beliefs! They are committed to "saving" the world. Where is our passion????? We have an obligation to teach all that we learn to each and every Jew. To be passionate and assertive with our fellow Jews!

R' Dovid Goldwasser was once walking down the street and he meets two Jewish men. Barely into the conversation he asks them if they had a bris milah, they tell him no, but they are too old and so they don't want one. R' Goldwasser goes on to tell them the significance and beauty in the mitzvah. They refuse still and then he leaves. As he is walking away he hears somone shouting after him. He turns around and one of the men are running after him. He stops R' Goldwasser and says, "My wife just had a baby boy, if I am too old, I want my son to have a bris, can you organize a bris for him?" He did just that and as a result another beautiful soul was brought officially into the covenant. It was all because of the passion and love of ONE man who knew that inside each Jew there was a soul shouting to be heard and touched!!!

Just IMAGINE a world full of people like this...

We have the power to make it happen.

Be Bold.

Be Daring.

Be Real

Seek The Truth.

Dispelling Darkness

Light yeilds to the prevailing darkness as winter sets in; the trees have shed their last leaves, the animals are burrowing in their underground homes and the bitter, cold nights begin. It is precisely at this very moment, at the darkest time of the year, in the midst of a cold, gloomy winter, that Chanukah arrives to tell us that a little flame can break through the darkness. To tell us not let our heads droop but to keep going strong. To reach inside ourselves and proudly wear the banner of determination that keeps our tiny nation thriving throughout persocution, to break the barriers of our physical environment and tap into the spiritual realms of our universe.
We often rely on external sources to enlighten our lives and bring inspiration ourselves. The winter is the time to recognize the inner strength we each posess, the bright flame within each of us that can carry us through the darkness and light up our path and therefore the path of those around us.